Digital Preacher Pillows

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Moses on the web

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

Night-time halo

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Thou Shalt Not!

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

Dogma

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

The ecumenical dinner party.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."