Digital Sermonizer Pillows

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

Computerized society.

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'...And remember, tune in next week at this same time for the exciting conclusion of 'David and Bathsheba.'!'

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"OMG! 12 followers already...this thing could go viral."

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

Palm Top Readings

'I can remember when you only had to worry about delivering good sermons.'

"My koan is to comprehend the sound of one hand clapping."

"I accept the cookies I cannot change."

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"I'm going on a retreat."

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

St. Paul's Church: Today's sermon - 'What is hell?' (underneath says 'come hear our choir).

'Maybe you could find a sermon idea in HERE.'

First Church of Fiscal Morality: The Meek Shall Inherit The National Debt!

'New Charismatic'

"And now a reading from the catalogs of Saint Paul."

'Oh my gosh, this is terrific! I just tuned in satellite radio.'

'In the future I see much spam and many people with a blog.'

"In the beginning was the Worldle..."