Cyberspace Preacher Gifts

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Moses on the web

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Night-time halo

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Thou Shalt Not!

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Dogma

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"We missed you at church Sunday."

The ecumenical dinner party.

Christian and Born again Christian...

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'