Modern Minister Pillows

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Night-time halo

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Golfing Bishop.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

Early Piety

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'