Transport Minister Gifts

RMT negotiations - "I see no Shapps."

Return of the Mummy

'Right, Rushkins! Start drawing up plans for a Horse Road Tax'.

'Prime Minister expresses regret at untimely departure of Stephen Byers...'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Thru versus Through Traffic

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Late BroomStick

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Night-time halo

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Are we nearly there yet?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

Golfing Bishop.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'