Transport Minister Gifts

RMT negotiations - "I see no Shapps."

Return of the Mummy

'Right, Rushkins! Start drawing up plans for a Horse Road Tax'.

'Prime Minister expresses regret at untimely departure of Stephen Byers...'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Night-time halo

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Are we nearly there yet?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Late BroomStick

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

Golfing Bishop.