Government Gifts

"But how do you know for sure you've got power unless you abuse it?"

"Still, you've got to applaud the transparency."

'Now, where were we?...'

Rishi Sunak

'I'm glad to see that you've finally come to your census.'

Theresa May

House Intelligence Committee

Alec Douglas-Home

Whitehall: Gave honest impartial advice

'Excellent! So that's all agreed, then! All we need do now is draft the consultation document.'

The intricate mechanics of government: Public entrance and Lobbyist entrance.

'We've merged.'

Ministry of Soundbites: "Actually minister, it doesn't really matter what you say as long as you include a combination of the words 'choice','empowerment' and 'customer focussed'."

'OK, that's five votes in favor of saving the historic old hotel, and one vote for stomping it to bits and eating everyone inside!'

"Isn't that the real genius of democracy?...The VOTERS are ultimately to blame."

The Fort Knox Gold Depository has a key under the mat

Food and Drug Administration, Yummy-Yucky.

"I appreciate your offer, but I'm afraid I'm already bought and paid for."

'Our research shows that heredity and environment are both very significant, but that neither is as important as government regulation.'

"Hello, I'm Death and Taxes...we merged."

'...Therefore, we're in complete compliance with all federal guidelines.'

Public Services: 'IN - OUTSOURCE'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

'We're doing this so everyone will be used to more government regulations.'

"Under the Freedom of Information Act, I'm requesting that you disclose what you have on me in your files."

Elections Are The Best Opinion Survey.

"You can be leader when we get to the bottom."

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'

Power: 'It's mine and you can't have it.'

Once again, the conversation gets too heated, and the selection of a state muffin has to be shelved until next year.

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

'What do you think about forgetting the whole thing and just going back to trying to help people a bit.'

"Half empty because of congressional inaction, and half full because of the tireless efforts of the President."

'My problem is that I am an informed citizen.'

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."