Defense Minister Gifts

'I'll speak to the Minister of Defence about it - $83,000 per arrow does sound a little high.'

By upgrading our tanks & trucks to burn 50 less harmful fuel emissions, Rona, we can kill and destroy with a clear conscience.

'Well minister you said you were going to help the French in Mali. Here it is Field Marshal I found six in a trunk in basement....'

"The Minister is preparing for conflict in the Ukraine!"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Night-time halo

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Golfing Bishop.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

Early Piety

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"It's cool – God told us to!"