Defense Officer Gifts

'This side is for peacekeeping.'

The Anti-Agent

Hate Platforms

America, are we learning anything?

Neo-International Law

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"Postwar is hell."

Military Medals

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

'I was in a camouflage unit, so this one is for Hide and Seek.'

dog vs UFO...

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

When Engineers Crack.

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

"The first one is for graduating from basic training. The rest are classified."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'At ease, soldier.'