Army Officers Gifts

'We're over quota for medals right now, Sargent, but here's a smiley-face sticker for you.'

British Army prepares for dealing with 'Dirty Bombs'

Why Crabs Make Lousy Soldiers.

"But sarge, I can't report to you at 14:00 - my watch only goes up to twelve."

'Wouldn't mind, but I haven't felt this good for ages.'

'Fix bayonets!'

US soldiers deaths in Iraq.

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Imagining a Better World Isn't Really That Hard

Neo-International Law

Servicemen.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

Fighter Jet Sneeze

"Postwar is hell."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

Military Medals

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

'I was in a camouflage unit, so this one is for Hide and Seek.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"The first one is for graduating from basic training. The rest are classified."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'At ease, soldier.'

'Wouldn't it be cheaper to apologise to the Middle East?'