Infantry Officer Gifts

"I said it was time to send in the DRAGOONS!"

Neo-International Law

Servicemen.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Postwar is hell."

When laundry ruled the waves.

The Dubloon Stops Here

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Military Medals

Sailor in Car.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

'I was in a camouflage unit, so this one is for Hide and Seek.'

'Sweet! Let's break it open and see what it is!'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"The first one is for graduating from basic training. The rest are classified."

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'At ease, soldier.'

'Wouldn't it be cheaper to apologise to the Middle East?'

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."