Gourmet Gambler Gifts

'We've had our starter and to follow we'd like to order an ambulance!'

'I'll see you two truffles... and raise you four nut-clusters!'

'You might try the chef's surprise, if you're a real daredevil.'

"Rats! It's already tenderized."

"I'm afraid you can't speak to the Chef at the moment, sir. He's out, buying you a, 'get well soon' card."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

Little league world series of poker.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

To do before Saturday...

Too much cilantro

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

The Main Types of Cheese

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Is this still America?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."