Glamorous Gambler Gifts

Mary's Botox injections paid for themselves in no time.

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

December 26 - Vegas, office (post) Christmas party.

'And who are you wearing?'

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

'Will you make the final table?'

"I find that, the older you get, the bigger your jewelry has to get."

Rhinestone Accountant

'You might try the chef's surprise, if you're a real daredevil.'

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

An affair to remember.

'He's a high stakes player - I mean he married her.'

"Rats! It's already tenderized."

"I'm afraid you can't speak to the Chef at the moment, sir. He's out, buying you a, 'get well soon' card."

'We've had our starter and to follow we'd like to order an ambulance!'

'Is that a roll of pound coins?'

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

"Ask your doctor if you're strong enough to day trade options."

Vending machines at work: Snacks, Coffee, Glimmer of Hope

'I used to be really depressed about losing the superlotto, but then I found this support group, and I realized I'm not the only person who hasn't won.'

'I actually make a lot more money as a bookmaker than I ever did as a race horse...'

"Every hand I draw is a royal flush! This really is heaven!"

'Well, that's 3 of my 7-a-day.'

'I got where I am by cutting high card 17 times in a row.'

I was dead lucky at the races yesterday, I forgot my wallet at home!

'I know it's a long shot but wouldn't it be worth hanging on until after the wednesday lottery draw?'

A child pulls the lever of a machine that is combination of both a slot machine and a gumball machine.

Gambling in Heaven - Losing your halo.

Billy strip: dad doesn't get to shuffle the horses.

"I'd like 13,983,816 lottery tickets please..."

'No, I DON'T want to make a side bet on the spelling test!'

Dog Casino

'I'll see you two truffles... and raise you four nut-clusters!'

'THis is where the boys used to gamble. By the looks of things, they lost a lot more than just their shirts.'