Menu Gambler Gifts

'Here's your 'Chef's Surprise,' sir -- I'm legally required to tell you that you have one last chance to change your mind.'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

Little league world series of poker.

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

'I don't like to take chances.'

Party time.

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

"I'll see your Sirloin and raise you a New York Strip."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

Worm Bed

"Have you been scratching this?"

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'Frank has won 20 hands in a row. I'm beginning to think that's not him, but rather a robot with a poker computer installed.'

Solitaire card shark.

Unnatural Selection.

"What do you recommend today?"

Blackjack: free lemonade!

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Well, sure, two pair is nice but nothing beats five singles!'

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."