Menu Gambler Gifts

'Here's your 'Chef's Surprise,' sir -- I'm legally required to tell you that you have one last chance to change your mind.'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

Little league world series of poker.

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

'I don't like to take chances.'

Party time.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

"I'll see your Sirloin and raise you a New York Strip."

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

"Have you been scratching this?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Worm Bed

'Frank has won 20 hands in a row. I'm beginning to think that's not him, but rather a robot with a poker computer installed.'

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

Solitaire card shark.

Blackjack: free lemonade!

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'Well, sure, two pair is nice but nothing beats five singles!'

Unnatural Selection.

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.