Gossip Humorist Gifts

Ventriloquist Frank and "Beans." Why do we need new material? Because I don't like what you're saying behind my back.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Annual run-off at the mouth.

'She's so put together!'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

A little bird told me...

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

Men gossiping

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...