Golfing Storyteller Gifts

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

'Hole in one!!!!'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

For the Wilsons, Gold Medalists Los Angeles '84, bathtime was always a ritual.

Helicopter dropping golf balls onto a green.

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

'I'd do better if I knew all the words you know!'

"Your Honor, I have a rebuttal witness."

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

'Wait! Better give me the big one.'

Golf Score Reducer

Golf Hil Divot

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

"I enjoy the game so much more since they invented the self-driving ball!"

"I've never seen a gimme taken on a fareway before."

"In this situation, I'd suggest a 5-word sentence with an action verb but hold the exclamation mark."

Tiger Woods, on his way to his 1st golf tournament.

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

'One of the quickest ways to meet people is to pick up the wrong ball.'

"I must have hit 20 home runs!"

'I remember Rod when he used to strike footballs into the crowd!'

'I know Joe's sight isn't all that but the captain's not going to like it.'

'My name is John and I'm a golfaholic!'

TOLD YOU TO TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLF PRO

"... And how much am I bid for this set of, John McEnroe's golf clubs?"

For a $50 payoff, Dwayne would agree not to follow a foursome around all 18 holes.

"Hurry up Ted, or are you going to spend all day in that bunker?"

"Oooh! I never knew your butt could move like that, honey!"

'I'll be with you in a minute.'

'We plan to introduce bodychecking and fistfights to the game.'

'You're the only person I know who takes divots on the green.'