Golf Commentator Gifts

'What a divot.'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

I think you're ace

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'Hole in one!!!!'

Perils of the double play.

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

Kenny Dalglish

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Tennis ball girl.

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Cricket widow's revenge 2