Golf Humorist Gifts

'It is a work related injury. I walked into my boss' office and took a flyer on his gold ball.'

'Excellent swing. Wonderful form. Beatuiful followthrough...too bad you missed the ball.'

"I can't find anything against it in the rule book."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"I'm currently ranked 104,387,519th in the world."

'Dinna play golf in your kilt.'

'I shot my age on that hole!'

"I'm practising my dropping."

'Did you hear those ladies behind us hoot and holler when I hit that tee shot?' 'Your fly is open.'

"Don't worry...with his swing, this is the safest place to stand."

'Wait! Better give me the big one.'

I've had a fantastic round, I've even got a ball left over!

'We plan to introduce bodychecking and fistfights to the game.'

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

'I think the number six club'

'Didn't you hear me? I yelled 'FORE'!'

The grass is always greener on TV.

'Because of taxes, I may have to make some drastic changes.'

Or drive your golf buggy without due care and attention.

'Who took the rake?'

Golf Score Reducer

"I enjoy the game so much more since they invented the self-driving ball!"

'My tonsils are as big as golf balls. What do you suggest?'

'I still can't believe Charlie got a sex change operation just so he could play the ladies tees,'

'One of the quickest ways to meet people is to pick up the wrong ball.'

'Wounds from battles? Oh, no -- I used to live next to a golf course.'

'You know, doctor, there is still a lot we don't know about hooks and slices.'

"You could have shouted Fore!"

Helicopter dropping golf balls onto a green.

'He's right...the rules don't say anything about it being illegal to anchor your putter to a nose-ring!'

'So, you bought yourself some Golf-Clubs... and where may I ask, are you going to play around here?'

'Randy, you fool! Don't lick that filthy thin. ... The 'sweet spot' on your driver is just a figure of speech.'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"They're specially designed to fly farther when thrown."

"I've never seen a gimme taken on a fareway before."