Golfer In Denial Gifts

'You may have misunderstood about Yompville being a country club prison.'

TOLD YOU TO TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLF PRO

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

Putt-putt. Drive-Drive. (Two minature golf courses. Golfer at first hits putt. Golfer at second is hit in head by golfball that has been hit as a drive.)

"At least my putting has improved."

"We put him in the field but it didn't help."

"Sulk all you want Edward, we are not adding sporting equipment to our wedding registry!"

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

Let's see, that is one..two..three shots into the water.

Jurassic Par.

'Vodka!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

When Paul finally emerges, his partner is gone, and he is left to finish the round with a cooler of beer all to himself and no one to catch him cheating.

Suddenly, on the 18th tee at Augusta, Leonard whales on his air guitar right in the middle of a backswing.

'Dinna play golf in your kilt.'

The game requires no great physical strength...

'Why do I always lose at this interactive television fishing show!'

'...But Dewey here just won't let it go. So he tells Vern, 'Ok, I triple-dog-dare you to stick a putter in your ear'...'

'You're howling off key again!'

'Our company drone found you on the golf course yesterday after you called in sick.'

'You had enough power in our cell phone to make one last call, and instead of getting us rescued, you cancel your tee-time?'

"He missed a hole-in-one by an inch and a half."

'It looks like I'm finally going to break 70.. this is my 69th club I've broken.'

Castaway uses a solar panel to watch TV.

Remember that club you threw last month and couldn't find?

'Lunge out of the water and slap his face!? ... Oh, that's real effective, Leonard.'

"In a blinding flash, Norman suddenly realises the mind-numbing boredom and utter futility of the sport that is called golf..."

'It seemed like a great place to set up shop, in case things won't work out well next door'

For sale - used only once.

'Thanks to everyone who golfed in my golfing outing...even the guys who beat me for hitting into them without yelling four.'

Books. Ernest Hemingway Festival. Did you read Hemingway's book "Across the River and Into the Trees"? No. I didn't even know he played golf.

'A remote controlled golf ball! Yes, of course!'

'I've been retired a month and I already hate the game.'

'Water hazards are no problem if you play golf in the winter.'