Golf Course Detective Gifts

'Our company drone found you on the golf course yesterday after you called in sick.'

Golfer Shouts at Ball to Go Into Hole.

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

The Golfing Accident

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'Do you have any golf balls that are not attracted to water, sand or trees?'

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

Sunshine and exercise. Are you glad I suggested we go for a walk?

"What are you in for?"

"You know damn well what noise!"

"Can I play with your ball, Mister, if you're not using it?"

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

'On this hole you don't drive, just putt.'

'I'm doing this course on, the importance of moderation.'

"12 isn't a bad score on the hole. You did stray and some of those windmills are quite tricky!"

Golf - "Are you new to the game?"

'What club do you think I should use? I don't know sir, I don't play golf either'

"I'd rather be golfing...and I am."

Golf Crime Scene.

'... just one more ball. Please? Last one. I'll pay you back, I swear!'

Methuselah shoots his age.

'Tell me the truth,Rodney - you've moved the hole haven't you!'

'Drat, another hole-in-one. Pity really - I was looking forward to some putting practice.'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

"I arranged a foursome like you asked. Allen, Jack, Gene and Howard are playing at three."

'I told you to turn left - this is a bunker on the golf course!'

"Shhh. I think I heard my name."

Suddenly, on the 18th tee at Augusta, Leonard whales on his air guitar right in the middle of a backswing.

'Todd Stevens is playing golf while his wife and kids are at home with 103 degree fevers!'

'Replace divots'

"The king of divots, every game is played like the last."

'I may have to borrow some balls if we play eighteen.'