Gleeful Parent Pillows

"Unfortunately, at this age I express glee and stark raving terror in the exact same way."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'She's just great with the children.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Werewolves of London..."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

Circus Act

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

The Yummiest Mummy in the Village

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"Wheeeeeeee!"

"Where's your nose?"