Getting Older Gifts

'Would you stop leaving incontinence leaflets lying about! I've told you, I don't have a problem!'

"So, what health issue would you like to discuss?" "Gravity."

'I've reached that age where I've given up on Mind Over Matter and am concentrating on Mind Over Bladder.'

'You're lucky -I'm turning into my mother'

'I can't remember. Edith, am I forgetful?'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

When will you admit you need glasses.

"You're soo last year.You'll need a hip replacement."

Man spots a grey hair in his beard

Aging.

"I don't regret going bald. I just regret growing bald before I had a chance to rock a man bun."

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

"I"m getting too old for this business - I got mixed up and broke into my own house last night."

The 'Mystery Pain 'game

Middle Age: When a man turns out the light sfor economic reasons rather than for romantic ones!

'I'd say you're a little late...'

Candles being lit near old man's oxygen tank.

'You're in great shape for a man or a woman at your age!'

'Oh, Love - You got a bold patch.'

'Huh. Listen to this. 'While our eyes remain the same size, our noses and ears continue to grow throughout our lives.''

"Why shouldn't I cry? Even the cake is in tiers."

'This reminds me of my Senior Prom... without flowers and three kids.'

"Every time I sneeze, my dentures fly out of my mouth."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Why bother?"

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'