Getting Older Pillows

'Would you stop leaving incontinence leaflets lying about! I've told you, I don't have a problem!'

"So, what health issue would you like to discuss?" "Gravity."

'I've reached that age where I've given up on Mind Over Matter and am concentrating on Mind Over Bladder.'

'You're lucky -I'm turning into my mother'

'I can't remember. Edith, am I forgetful?'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

When will you admit you need glasses.

"You're soo last year.You'll need a hip replacement."

Man spots a grey hair in his beard

Aging.

"I don't regret going bald. I just regret growing bald before I had a chance to rock a man bun."

"I"m getting too old for this business - I got mixed up and broke into my own house last night."

The 'Mystery Pain 'game

Middle Age: When a man turns out the light sfor economic reasons rather than for romantic ones!

'You're in great shape for a man or a woman at your age!'

'Oh, Love - You got a bold patch.'

'Huh. Listen to this. 'While our eyes remain the same size, our noses and ears continue to grow throughout our lives.''

'This reminds me of my Senior Prom... without flowers and three kids.'

"Every time I sneeze, my dentures fly out of my mouth."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Why bother?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Gary turns 40.