Growing Older Pillows

"Birthdays are like life... The more you have, the more enlightened you become."

Four Stages of Christmas.

"Jesus Christ! Do you realize that now I actually am fifty when you're eighty?"

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

"Why bother?"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Gary turns 40.

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"I don't know who you are!"

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.