Ageing Process Gifts

'My 70th...hmmm.. that's shelter, food and sex out of the way. I guess it's time to move on to life's next challenge; mastery over my environment.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Why bother?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Gary turns 40.

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

'Man...You age great!'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

"I don't know who you are!"

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.