Aging Research Gifts

After decades of research, Prof. Lorenzen finally found a way to stop ageing.

Research suggests brain function declines after age 45.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Why bother?"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Gary turns 40.

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

'Man...You age great!'

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I don't know who you are!"

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

"I'm here for the hair."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.