Aging Process Analyst Gifts

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"You reach an age where you start to question what you're DOING with your life...."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'Man...You age great!'

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

"He said he's doing all he can to help me, but he can't make me any younger. But I have no interest in getting younger! I just don't want to keep getting older."

'My 70th...hmmm.. that's shelter, food and sex out of the way. I guess it's time to move on to life's next challenge; mastery over my environment.'

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

After decades of research, Prof. Lorenzen finally found a way to stop ageing.

'You look younger...are you colouring your hair?'

"I preferred you when you had long hair, Tom."

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

"Get off the lawn!"