Aging Analyst Gifts

"Face it, Herb, you're one of those people who peaked in high school."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'It's incredible - one in six people alive today will live to see retirement.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

Breast Height Chart

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

Pre-Old Blues

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

This morning I found a thin hair growing out of my knuckle. And so it ends. Your virility, your potential, your conviction, your magnetism, your youth itself

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

The Leap of Faith Taken by Alzheimer's Caregivers

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

After decades of research, Prof. Lorenzen finally found a way to stop ageing.

"You reach an age where you start to question what you're DOING with your life...."

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

Yeah, I'm taking care of my parents now, too.

"Oh, to be a Mayfly."

Same Sexless Marriage

'I'm really looking forward to being put in a nursing home...'