Ageing Analyst Gifts

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"What if you go under before I need to?"

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"I was on hormone replacement for two years before I realized I needed Steve replacement."

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

'Life is too long not to worry.'

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

"That's just the meds kicking in."

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

After decades of research, Prof. Lorenzen finally found a way to stop ageing.