Adulting Analyst Gifts

"Edmond is at that awkward age – too old to be a 'rising star', too young to be 'one of a dying breed.'"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

'Where Are They Now?'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"Soy latte for 'Actually Frankenstein is the doctor I don’t have a name.'"

Postcards from Heaven...

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

Sissy Spacek

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"I didn't mean anything by it. I don't know why I said it. I just said it, that's all. Twiggy."

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

"Awake and doing great"

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'

The Evolution of Pop Culture Scapegoats