Adulting Analyst Gifts

"Edmond is at that awkward age – too old to be a 'rising star', too young to be 'one of a dying breed.'"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

Three kids in a trench coat, twenty years later.

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Where Are They Now?'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

Postcards from Heaven...

"Soy latte for 'Actually Frankenstein is the doctor I don’t have a name.'"

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"I didn't mean anything by it. I don't know why I said it. I just said it, that's all. Twiggy."

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

"It must be a youth culture!" (Lager, boobs, lager, babes,footie, girls,lager.)

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

"I hope your day is going bad."

Damned if you do...