Aging Process Investigator Gifts

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'Man...You age great!'

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

Pre-Old Blues

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"She reminds me so much of myself at her age."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

This morning I found a thin hair growing out of my knuckle. And so it ends. Your virility, your potential, your conviction, your magnetism, your youth itself

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

I once flew faster than a speeding bullet

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"Would you want to drink from a fountain of youth?" "I'd settle for a fountain of middle age."

Old Tortoise

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

The Leap of Faith Taken by Alzheimer's Caregivers