Aging Process Investigator Gifts

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'Man...You age great!'

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

"She reminds me so much of myself at her age."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

Old Tortoise

I once flew faster than a speeding bullet

"Would you want to drink from a fountain of youth?" "I'd settle for a fountain of middle age."

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

'My 70th...hmmm.. that's shelter, food and sex out of the way. I guess it's time to move on to life's next challenge; mastery over my environment.'

"I've finally got my head together."