Aging Experience Gifts

"Yoo-hoo! My husband gets the senior-citizen discount! Yoo-hoo, Officer, yoo-hoo!"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Why bother?"

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Gary turns 40.

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"I don't know who you are!"

'Man...You age great!'

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'