Geriatric Giggler Gifts

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'I think the idea of an online dating service for seniors is fine. I just don't think we should name it, 'TimesRunningOut.com.''

The Busy Gardener

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Garden variety allergies."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Yard Sale

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

Beginning Yarder.

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

'...and this is the water garden...'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'Where are you going?'

Balding gnomes

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."