Grandparent Giggler Gifts

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"For Sale. Used once by a little old lady in tennis shoes."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Clown God

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

'The idea is to go where no man my age has gone before. I want to be the 'John Glenn' of Salsa.'

Can't read 'SLOW'.

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Ok, I have my hearing aids on now: let's hear this mighty roar of yours. . ."

'Whoops!'

'They're evolving like mad -- You put in way too many cosmic rays!'

'Blummin' 'eck - a granddad!'

"It was your idea to call him Christopher Robin!"

Young MacDonald

When suddenly the clouds parted and down came Jeez, a god appalled by how his name is used in vain.

Future Old People

"My great granddad says fruits and vegetables keep him healthy. He calls them 'fossil fuels.'"

"How about after nightime meds you come to my room for some Netflix and chill."

'Child resistant cap'

"Since Ronnie retired, I like to keep him busy with plenty of activities."

"Where's the Viagra?!" "Where's the fire escape?!"

'So we can fing out what is wrong with you granddad, I've asked him to bring in a couple of stools!'

"Who ate all the pieties?"

'The fire brigade are on the way. But in the meantime, I'm totally posting this online.'

"I think I'm picking up a 'holier than thou' vibe here."

'Moonbeam just had a hippie replacement.'

'I think the idea of an online dating service for seniors is fine. I just don't think we should name it, 'TimesRunningOut.com.''

"I grew up in the drug culture but now I get the same effect by standing up too fast."

'Watching Chet compete with our great grandson to see who can go longest without having to have his diaper changed. What are you doing?'

"Grandpa fatty died a heroic death - he bit through the main power cable in the slaughterhouse."

'Did we ever hit menopause?'