Grandparent Giggles Gifts

Can't read 'SLOW'.

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

"Unfortunately, at this age I express glee and stark raving terror in the exact same way."

"Ok, I have my hearing aids on now: let's hear this mighty roar of yours. . ."

'Blummin' 'eck - a granddad!'

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

Young MacDonald

"My great granddad says fruits and vegetables keep him healthy. He calls them 'fossil fuels.'"

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

"How about after nightime meds you come to my room for some Netflix and chill."

"Wow! Gramps was REALLY happy to get all those neckties for Father's Day!"

"Since Ronnie retired, I like to keep him busy with plenty of activities."

'Child resistant cap'

"Where's the Viagra?!" "Where's the fire escape?!"

'So we can fing out what is wrong with you granddad, I've asked him to bring in a couple of stools!'

"Grandpa fatty died a heroic death - he bit through the main power cable in the slaughterhouse."

'You Know Who got into my closet.'

"OK. You're the Ghost of Christmas Present. Quite amusing. Now go away!"

Tapeworm befriends umbilical cord,

'Watching Chet compete with our great grandson to see who can go longest without having to have his diaper changed. What are you doing?'

'I'm not here!'

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

"This is great, Mavis! Let's have another go!"

Do not dare ask me about my grandchildren!

Can you believe we're old enough to have kids taking sex-ed? No! Thank heavens they have a curriculum with all the choices. Although

"Not coming then? You wouldn't even come to your own funeral, you!"

'There's gin in the thermos. Make sure not to share it with the kids, even if they lose.'

I shrank another inch! Woo-hoo!

The old geezer was feeling a bit de-flated!

'Grandpa, can your inner child come out and play?'

"For Sale. Used once by a little old lady in tennis shoes."