Grandparent Humor Gifts

"Grandpa fatty died a heroic death - he bit through the main power cable in the slaughterhouse."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

'The idea is to go where no man my age has gone before. I want to be the 'John Glenn' of Salsa.'

Can't read 'SLOW'.

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'What did you do in the great whale war, grandad....'

"Ok, I have my hearing aids on now: let's hear this mighty roar of yours. . ."

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

'Those were the days, eh, Grandpa?'

'Beats me why, but it's a sensitive subject: Some people will call you a Buffalo while others will call you a Bison...'

"Greatest Band?"

"When I was young, we used bottles, rocks and toothpicks for our school science projects."

Young MacDonald

"Mom, does granddad want me to run away? He's playing that Disco music again!"

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

"My great granddad says fruits and vegetables keep him healthy. He calls them 'fossil fuels.'"

High pants/Low pants.

"Grandpa, tell us again about the old days when people voted for somebody instead of against somebody."

"Things were really different when I was growing up. Childhoods today are much longer."

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

"This is my mom's phone. Instead of a hashtag, it has a pound sign."

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

"Wow! Gramps was REALLY happy to get all those neckties for Father's Day!"

"Since Ronnie retired, I like to keep him busy with plenty of activities."

'Child resistant cap'

'Grandma, show me the chicken's nuggets!'