Grandparent Humor Fan Gifts

'First time grandfather hey! Me, I'm a great great great great great great great great grandfather...'

Why Cows Leave Home

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

Sperm Whale.

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

"Ok, I have my hearing aids on now: let's hear this mighty roar of yours. . ."

'Pack your things we're moving.'

Bubbie Selfies

"We're just pleased he can still get into the Christmas spirit."

The terrible 2's. It was an awful stage.

"You cheated on the assignment and got an A? Glad to see you've learned a useful life skill."

'For a brief time I held the world record for the youngest person on earth.'

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

Some parents …

'That's a birthmark, Billy. The doctor gave it to me when you were born.'

"I think our daughter got her brains from me."

Young MacDonald

"It wasn't our first choice of schools, but we had a Groupon for it, so what the hell."

"My great granddad says fruits and vegetables keep him healthy. He calls them 'fossil fuels.'"

"Mum.... I need to poo."

'Ms. Trent, would you go down to the third grade and get one of the computer techs?'

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

'It says 'Take 3 tablets a day'. More helpfully it says 'Keep away from children'...'

'You kids stop your bleating or I'll give you something to bleat about.'

"I take my babysitting job very seriously."

'That's a great first effort, kids, but let's try using the napkins from the pantry.'

'You know how vacations are. You don't even get to the end of the block before your dad starts asking if it's over yet.'

'These baby teeth are a non-renewable resource rapidly being depleted and should bring more.'

'Hello? Roadside assistance? Yes, can you please send someone?'

"It's an educational toy. Let HIM figure out how to assemble it!"

"Let me guess -- first child?"