Geriatric Giggler Pillows

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'I think the idea of an online dating service for seniors is fine. I just don't think we should name it, 'TimesRunningOut.com.''

The Busy Gardener

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Hardy Annuals

"Garden variety allergies."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

Yard Sale

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Beginning Yarder.

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"What are you in for?"

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'...and this is the water garden...'

'Where are you going?'

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

Balding gnomes

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

'There goes the squeak in your brakes, Mrs. Ferguson.'