Garlic Guru Gifts

'He eats garlic to fight cancer, he drinks red wine to prevent heart disease and he chews breath mints for the stockholders meeting.'

Gloria, what's a good remedy for garlicky hands? Rigatoni gloves.

'It's a wonderful new drug...a sort of injectable garlic.'

'I can't seem to get the taste of garlic out of my tongue stud either.'

'Well, garlic keeps the worms away if they don't have any, but if they have worms it doesn't work as well.'

"But I put garlic into nearly ALL my cooking..!"

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Domestic Superheroes!!

Counting ribs

The Vineyard

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"I've just barbecued my head again."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Barbecuing Aprons For Today's Guys

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe