Galosh Guru Gifts

In a Quandary

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

Complete Makeover

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

Sculptor's chippings

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'I could have sworn I put those moon rocks in my pocket...'

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

"You idiot! I said, 'Buy more gold', not mold!!"

Cleaning the Horse

'Tell us about the time you met Charles Darwin, grandad.'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

'Fake tan, fake hair, fake boobs, - You sound like the real deal - you're hired.'

Modern day mirror.

"Are you sure they'll be able to read English?"

"Hey, universe! I'm significant and I'm in charge!"

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

"Anything you say, Mr. Einstein, can be used to explain the origin of the universe."

Expanding Sun engulfs Planets

Walking on Water

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

"I'm gonna make him an offer he could refuse but won't because he's afraid of conflict."

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"

"That's good for the budget. We don't have to exterminate the humans to conquer the earth. They'll take care of that themselves."