Gallop Guru Gifts

Learner Riders

Ponies for Sale

'We've sussed out why you keep losing by a short half head.'

'You must be the new guy! welcome to riding club buddy!'

'Gloria can you help me look for my shoe? I think i threw one whilst I was charging about just now...'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'But what is the universe for?'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

Turkey to human dictionary - 'Quiet!!! You don't realize what you're saying!'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

"Mine's camper."

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

'Astronomy I, Astronomy II, Astronomy III'

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"She got a brand new whip for her birthday."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

Deregulated Baseball

'I could have sworn I put those moon rocks in my pocket...'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

CONGRATULATIONS On an awesome swim

Cleaning the Horse

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)