Grapple Guru Gifts

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

'Oh Hi!'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"God works in mysterious ways."

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

Bad times to sneeze

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Red Wine

Grim Reapers sitting their 'Finals'.

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'Tell us what you've done with all the grass!'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'