Galactic Guru Gifts

Anger management, group therapy

"He keeps moaning on about how he needs space!"

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

'Partly cloudy tonight changing to light rain by morning, with a slight tremor in the Force.'

"Hey, universe! I'm significant and I'm in charge!"

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"

"That's good for the budget. We don't have to exterminate the humans to conquer the earth. They'll take care of that themselves."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"Are you sure they'll be able to read English?"

"Hurry children, space is limited!"

Expanding Sun engulfs Planets

'I could have sworn I put those moon rocks in my pocket...'

Are you a "Star Wars" fan, good sir? Who isn't? I would like to propose a small wager. Ask me any question about Star Wars. Any question at all

'No, it's not a black hole... it's their market going south.'

'Due to a series of gravitational lenses, all the stars we observe over there...are realy over there.'

'Our satellite has just sent back these startling new images of the sun.'

Pentagon Science Contest: 'It's a planet-killing comet heading here, and only the military has the resources to secretly evacuate all the V.I.P.s and their families before it hits.'

"Anything you say, Mr. Einstein, can be used to explain the origin of the universe."

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"Did you see the latest 'Star Wars' trailer? O... M... G!!!"

Rudy, it's come to my attention you were talking to patrons about "Star Wars" again. I don't think so

Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: our solar system's newly discovered planet. Specifically, we'll be talking about how for years, conspiracy nuts have been saying the scientific community was hiding a whole planet, for some reason, and would never confirm "Planet X's" existence. Not a single one of you freaks has admitted you were wrong. Well done. Never admit that your suspicions about people were in error. Acknowledging that someone has proven you wrong about t

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

Apples for sale

Due to his low center of gravity, Jake is the greatesr broncbuster ever!

Edgar Allen Poe

Intelligent people laugh too!

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

'But what is the universe for?'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

Newton's Cradle Solar System

"Bonk!"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."