Gallows Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

The undertaker.

"Kids and grand kids squared away forever ago. All set with money. No energy for a whole court thing. So-o-o... maybe you just die?" "Whatever makes you happy, sweet cheeks."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"We have a favor to ask."

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

"Oh, don't mind me..I'm a little early. Just go about your business...pretend I'm not here.

Fresh Blood In Politics

"Wait, what?"

"A modest proposal: Why not arm the Trump administration for their own safety?"

Death Takes A Time-Share

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"I've been transferred to the Transylvanian section"

"Well, if you don’t want to discuss exposure, drowning or sharks, what do you want to talk about?"

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

"We need 6 last meals over at table 9."

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

'If I hear one more person say 'Just a little of the top' I'm going to lose it!'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

Finish Line

"Open mike night"

'It's not that I'm afraid of dying, Doctor... It's just that I don't want to be there when it happens!'