Gallows Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

The undertaker.

"Kids and grand kids squared away forever ago. All set with money. No energy for a whole court thing. So-o-o... maybe you just die?" "Whatever makes you happy, sweet cheeks."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"We have a favor to ask."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Oh, don't mind me..I'm a little early. Just go about your business...pretend I'm not here.

"A modest proposal: Why not arm the Trump administration for their own safety?"

Fresh Blood In Politics

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"I've been transferred to the Transylvanian section"

"Well, if you don’t want to discuss exposure, drowning or sharks, what do you want to talk about?"

Death Takes A Time-Share

"Wait, what?"

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

Finish Line

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

"We need 6 last meals over at table 9."

'3 pints of lager, 2 gin and tonic, 1 vodka and coke and a replacement liver.'

'If I hear one more person say 'Just a little of the top' I'm going to lose it!'

Your body initially rejected the new kidney, but after we pumped you full of liquor, your body found the new kidney kind of attractive. We'll see what happens in the morning, though.