Gallows Humor Admirer Gifts

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

"Wait, what?"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"We have a favor to ask."

"It must be near New Year's Day...There are Easter eggs in the shop windows!"

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Oh, don't mind me..I'm a little early. Just go about your business...pretend I'm not here.

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

"Well, if you don’t want to discuss exposure, drowning or sharks, what do you want to talk about?"

Fresh Blood In Politics

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"A modest proposal: Why not arm the Trump administration for their own safety?"

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

"I guess the German takeover was successful."

'If I hear one more person say 'Just a little of the top' I'm going to lose it!'

"This pizza party tastes a lot like layoffs."

'3 pints of lager, 2 gin and tonic, 1 vodka and coke and a replacement liver.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"We need 6 last meals over at table 9."

Your body initially rejected the new kidney, but after we pumped you full of liquor, your body found the new kidney kind of attractive. We'll see what happens in the morning, though.

Finish Line

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."