Gallows Humor Fans Gifts

"What a pro."

"And here I thought you’d just moved to Australia."

'A cheeky red?'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Here we are."

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'I'm not quitting! Who knows if i'll ever get another chance to break a hundred!'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"We have a favor to ask."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

"Oh, don't mind me..I'm a little early. Just go about your business...pretend I'm not here.

"Wait, what?"

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"Well, if you don’t want to discuss exposure, drowning or sharks, what do you want to talk about?"

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

"A modest proposal: Why not arm the Trump administration for their own safety?"

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'3 pints of lager, 2 gin and tonic, 1 vodka and coke and a replacement liver.'

Your body initially rejected the new kidney, but after we pumped you full of liquor, your body found the new kidney kind of attractive. We'll see what happens in the morning, though.

Finish Line