Gallows Humor Fan Pillows

"Oh, don't mind me..I'm a little early. Just go about your business...pretend I'm not here.

"Time of death: 7:31 p.m. Which means we missed 'Jeopardy!' for nothing."

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

Firing squad waits as man smokes a last cigarette in 'Designated smoking area.'

End of the World

"I think it's about time we cancelled the reunions."

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

"Give it to me straight, doc. . . can I still - eat, drink and be merry?"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'You'll be wanting number 26 - he's not been well...'

'Can I go before you?'

'Your first time, eh? Think you can hack it?'

'If you want to keep slim, you've come to the right place!'

Tradesmand's Entrance.

'Hurry up, they're coming in already.'

'Oops. Little help?'

'Well, Bobby always had a strange kind of humour...'

Funeral Directors playing ping-pong on a coffin.

The Oldest People Alive

"At least our cholesterol is down."

"Thankfully, we were able to segue directly into an autopsy."

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

“Hurry up, it’s going to rain.”

"She’ll make a much better grandmother than she was a mother."

"We have a favor to ask."

"Meet your maker Sat 11-12"

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'I'm not quitting! Who knows if i'll ever get another chance to break a hundred!'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."