Gallows Humor Appreciators Pillows

Official Accident Ghoul

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"We have a favor to ask."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Oh, don't mind me..I'm a little early. Just go about your business...pretend I'm not here.

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

"Wait, what?"

"A modest proposal: Why not arm the Trump administration for their own safety?"

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"Well, if you don’t want to discuss exposure, drowning or sharks, what do you want to talk about?"

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

'If I hear one more person say 'Just a little of the top' I'm going to lose it!'

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

Finish Line

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'Have you got a sand wedge?'

"We need 6 last meals over at table 9."

'It's not that I'm afraid of dying, Doctor... It's just that I don't want to be there when it happens!'

'Oh my... Well, this is awkward!'

"What a pro."

'I take it that it's not good news doc'