Gallows Humor Aficionado Pillows

'It's not that I'm afraid of dying, Doctor... It's just that I don't want to be there when it happens!'

"I've always said - juries are impossible to predict."

"How may I direct your call? Doctor-assisted or regular?"

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

"Ahhhh... tell me the risks of surgery again."

'The Chef wants to know what you'd like for your last meal.'

"Try to cheer your surgeon up. He's lost four patients this morning."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"We have a favor to ask."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

Chicken Funeral Planning.

A lesson in wit

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

"Oh, don't mind me..I'm a little early. Just go about your business...pretend I'm not here.

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"A modest proposal: Why not arm the Trump administration for their own safety?"

"Wait, what?"

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

Fresh Blood In Politics

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"Well, if you don’t want to discuss exposure, drowning or sharks, what do you want to talk about?"

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."