Gallows Humour Lover Pillows

'If I hear one more person say 'Just a little off the top' I'm going to lose it.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Save Our Universe

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"We have a favor to ask."

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

"Oh, don't mind me..I'm a little early. Just go about your business...pretend I'm not here.

"I love it when they come with warning labels."

"Wait, what?"

"A modest proposal: Why not arm the Trump administration for their own safety?"

"Well, if you don’t want to discuss exposure, drowning or sharks, what do you want to talk about?"

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

'He won't bite anyone! I'm hoping it's just a phase.'

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

Vampire Couple, "I suppose you're out again for your usual eight pints?"

"The meal was delicious. My compliments to the Haematologist"

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

'If I hear one more person say 'Just a little of the top' I'm going to lose it!'

'3 pints of lager, 2 gin and tonic, 1 vodka and coke and a replacement liver.'

"Were the x-rays really necessary?"

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.